Same ol’, Same ol’


I want to write something happy for once,
anything uplifting, motivational, cathartic,
but my creativity has been stonewalled by your absence.
So habitual is my turning around to tell you something—
a joke, an anecdote about my day, or just another compliment—
that it catches me off guard every time
when I turn around and you are not there.
My phone is so silent these days,
I sometimes check to make sure the sound is on
(it always is, of course),
and I am reminded of this despondent reality I now populate.
It’s just so tiring obsessing over the same thoughts every day,
replaying memories in my head like a video on loop
and poring over each detail, as if somehow
ruminating on it long enough will allow me to change the past,
so that I say something different
to make you stay with me.
Even worse, I cannot write a single word about anything else,
and if I had an audience they would be booing me
because I have devolved into a one-trick pony;
but this life really just sucks, and
the worst part is that a part of me hopes you feel the same way.




Aphrodite stares in envy
At the beauty with which you grace Olympus;
Greater even than a goddess,
You enrapture every eye with your presence,
Casting a shadow on the brightest lights in this world
Because your radiance outshines them all.
If Helen’s face launched a thousand ships
Yours would incite global warfare,
For no soul exists that would deny you
Or refuse any amount of sacrifice—
Even the entire world—
To be gifted with your love;
But it was your mind that captivated me,
And while it reflects your splendor tenfold,
Its depths are far beyond my reach,
So no matter how far I explore,
How much I learn of you,
It could never be enough.
In that way you have me rapt for eternity,
And I would have it no other way,
Because to be in the light of your goodness
Has no comparison on this Earth.
Every word uttered, every opinion shared,
May as well be the mandate of God,
Except I know you exist,
And never for a second could I doubt you
Or live a second in the darkness a free spirit
Now that I have touched your light.
Should damnation pursue me
For daring to even graze your brilliance,
Every second of hell would be worth it.
You are greater than happiness,
You are greater than heaven or hell,
You are greater than any god, real or fictional.
You are all and everything that matters.



I don’t want your life;
I don’t desire your responsibilities,
Your affiliations,
Your education.
I care not for your loved ones;
They are a triviality.
I yearn not for your principles,
Could not care less by what name you call God;
I am not concerned whether you meditate or pray,
Or if your musings are of the basest sentiment,
At the most superficial level.
I only want you, the way you are,
Regardless of all else.

Promethean Affection


I’m not in love with you,
Just the idea of you;
And I posit every time you look at me
There are daggers sheathed behind those eyes,
Waiting to pierce with calumny and spite.

So I’ll do what I always do:
Antagonize you;
Treat you with malice and ice,
And watch that sweet physiognomy
Fade to a consternated cry.

Then I’ll fly to your rescue
Feigning a chivalrous veneer,
And as insecurity rues the nobility,
Rendering a fine rupture in sanity,
I’ll silently mutter as I pass by,
Swearing to myself again and again:
I’m not in love with you,
Just the idea of you.

Spiteful Camaraderie

Shadow alley


You are resplendent in appearance,
Unattainable nobility the peasantry admires;
You are also the worst thing for me,
And it has nothing to do with you.

In your nature you are kind,
Accepting and sociable,
Compassionate, caring—
All that I desire.

The thing is, it does not sit well with me—
Your beauty, your personality.
Offers to help and assist do not pacify me;
In fact, they are quite perturbing.

Though I could never be cruel to you,
Mistake not my tolerance and amity.
I guess what I’m trying to say is
I wish to God I had never met you.

Hypnic Jerk


Fear laces my heart,
Pumping faster now—
Faster, faster!
This is insanity;
My mind’s an absurdity.
Of all that death’s threatened in this episodic nightmare,
Lucidity may be the first to fall from the periphery.

Scratching these memories from the surface of consciousness
Only to have the remnants vacillate into my stream of thought,
I urge myself deeper into this tunnel without an end:
No light, no conclusion, to bring clarity to the terror.

I’m running, running,
Trying to escape this pageant of torture,
But the path before me is a circle,
And I end up where I started:
A ring of horror looping immemorial.

What started as determined resolve
Has relapsed into an ill-conceived outreach for acceptance:
An Everest that cannot be climbed,
A marathon that has no finish line.

When at last this half-existence throttles,
Bringing the night’s pallid wonder to the precipice of reality—
The one I am forced to face—
I will have none other than myself to blame;
And blaming me: the rest of the world, my antagonist.