Shadow in the Ubiquitous Light

Shadow angel

A shadow in the Ubiquitous Light—
Luminiferous immemorial.
But where I once stood wide-eyed
My eyes now contract,
Unfamiliar with the purging brightness.

A shadow in the Ubiquitous Light,
Shifting dubiously—not without shame—
For this light that once consoled
Is now foreign in this dark mind;
For profligacy abounds unrestrained.

A shadow in the Ubiquitous Light
Forgets all peace of mind,
Constrained by the throes of transience,
With each intermittence growing in pain
As hollow tears threaten these lungs.

Wafting through trails of memories long past,
Turning my head from piercing eyes;
Woe if they should contrive the truth:
That I am the lost and wandering—
A shadow in the Ubiquitous Light.

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Ineffable

While normally an image accompanies my writings, there is none that can encapsulate the subject of this piece, and to do so would be just as futile as the proceeding words.

It is a futile task
To try to conjure any word
That could ever describe you
In all your beauty, wonderment,
Talent, quirkiness, and bravado;
To attempt it is a Sisyphean endeavor,
Where even the most poetic words or stanzas
Would sound ugly
Juxtaposed with how incomprehensibly remarkable you are.
When I look at you, speak to you,
And witness your unparalleled divinity,
I realize it is impossible for God to exist,
Because there is nothing within this universe
Or without
That could match your sanctity.
My heart aches as tears well in my eyes,
Because all I want is to help you realize
That you are the greatest thing
To ever exist in this realm,
That in a world filled with virulence and maleficence,
A snapshot of your presence,
The smallest utterance of your voice,
Obliterates anything I could ever perceive as unpleasant
And replaces it with a magnificence so daunting,
I tremble at the thought of its disappearance,
All the while knowing I’ve done nothing to deserve it,
And that at any moment if you cast me off,
Turn me away,
And vanquish this unutterable blessing from my life,
You would be vindicated,
Because even a second of passing you by
Is more than I could ever be worthy of in a lifetime of piety;
And still I falter, knowing these words aren’t enough—
They never will be—
But as pathetic and feeble as they are,
These words are the best I can ever hope to do,
Though with everything in me,
I will forever strive for new ways to make you understand,
Even knowing that every effort will fall short.

A Discussion of “Rage and Penance”

Note: this delves into the meaning behind my latest piece, “Rage and Penance.” If you have not yet read it, I highly recommend reading it first and then revisiting this explanation. You can find that piece here.

Hello, all. I want to start by thanking you for your continued support and occasional kind words. The greatest compliment is to know others are impacted by my writing, and I  don’t take that for granted.

I’m not typically one to dissect my work and leave it on the table for everyone to examine. I believe thoroughly in allowing audiences to decipher their own meaning from my work. However, on extreme occasion I will pen something of particular significance and feel the audience is best served knowing the story behind the work.

My latest post, “Rage and Penance,” is one of those works.

While the prose is far less eloquent and sophisticated than I typically strive for, I received feedback that it was raw and powerful—two traits I was shooting for. I decided to leave it as is for a couple of weeks so that readers who stumbled across it could draw their own conclusions. It does, after all, seem to tell a pretty frank story.

In this case, there is much more to it beyond personal emotions. While certainly I drew from personal experience to craft this particular piece, it involves a common tale (at least among the Western world) that virtually everyone knows, at least to some extent.

My first goal, of course, was for the reader to find some connection to the piece, to be able to relate to it and take something away from it (which is a goal for everything I write). Beyond that, however, I wanted to offer a fresh and alternative perspective to a well-known tale, painting the antagonist of this tale as the sympathetic victim.

This piece, in truth, is a retelling of Satan’s ejection from heaven, told through the lens of Lucifer. One of two core frustrations in the piece is his struggle with having been evicted from God’s love over one mistake, and furthermore is forced to watch as humanity sins against him again and again, and yet has an infinite number of chances for salvation (at least until death). The other, of course, is that of the scorned ex-lover, lashing out when he realizes there is no manner in which forgiveness can be bestowed and the love he had restored.

As a closer, I would like to clarify (despite hating feeling the need to) this piece is in no way meant to render a religious statement or elucidate a personal belief. As I am not a  Christian and don’t subscribe to the beliefs of God or Satan, this is merely taking a mythological tale and reversing the roles, as one might do with Prometheus, the Trojan War, Loki, or any other number of mythological figures.

Thank you all for your continued support. Please feel free to share your thoughts with this piece and its meaning. I appreciate all manner of feedback, provided its constructive.

Innocence Perish

Awakened to this horror story:
A tragedy only conceivable in my nightmares.
Gripping at nothing for a hold on sanity,
Because nothing is all I’m left with.

My jowls break from these wails of agony;
I cry drops of blood into a basin of sorrow,
Reflecting this shell, void of life.

This death sentence I’m now consigned to
Ruptures the mountain of peace I once stood upon.
I fall into the darkest abyss, supplicating to a deaf God,
Wondering if the fall will ever end.

Your consolations are mockeries,
For this wound can never mend—
You can never understand.
For as naïve as you are, can you not realize,
Nothing else matters anymore?

Untouchable

Girl flower

Do you believe in God, my dear?
I cannot know whether you do, only that I do;
For the notion that random chance created you—
A creature so tender,
So kind,
So beautiful—
Is inconceivable to me.
A glimpse at you is to know God exists,
And He has shared His blessing with the world through you.

I would tell you these things, love,
But you cannot hear the words spoken from this mortal tongue.
I would embrace you as mine,
But you cannot feel these hollow arms.
I would defend you from all evil,
But your radiance wards the dark far better than I ever could.
I would so wish to meet you,
To glance upon your ethereal resplendence with mine own eyes,
To reach out to you for the slightest caress,
To remind you that never are you worthless,
A short-coming,
Or a disappointment,
But I cannot, for you a world away,
And untouchable.