The Judge

insecurity

My life is thus:
The judge sits at his bench,
Demeaning and destructive;
His verdict offers no justice,
His sentence serves no rehabilitation.
Before him, I would be a prisoner
Shackled in solitary evermore;
Any attempt at release
Would be mocked and chided
Because, in his words,
I am worthless,
No longer any good to society.
I certain am not deserving
Of an angel’s touch or affections,
And to try would be wasted effort.
There is no sense in prevailing,
For these years alone have taught me nothing
But how to wallow and loathe myself.
His accusations sting caustic,
Like a shard of ice through my heart,
And though he has no right,
No position to castigate me,
I listen to him all the same,
Knowing even as I do what I am losing,
What I am passing up,
What I have let slip out of my life.
This judge that sits before me
Is invisible to the world,
Deaf to their ears,
But to me he is more real than anyone,
And his voice is the loudest,
Drowning out any pleas,
Any compliments,
And every opportunity.

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Of Earth and Judges

Lonely
You bear my criticisms against the way you live,
The choices you make,
For your failure to let go of that which is already lost.
Your back is scourged by my vituperations,
Striking like a whip on flesh,
Ripping, tearing with each lash,
Merciless and unyielding.

Exulting myself a god to adjudicate,
I hurl castigations like the lightning bolts of Zeus,
As though striking the Earth enough times will alter its rotation.
You are as the Earth:
Immune to my strikes, ever running your course;
And though locked in the monotony of revolution,
Freer still than this spirit,
Embittered and jaded.

I offer no justification for my hypocrisy;
Irony is to lie with a harpy,
And I am damned for it;
Yet its unequivocal slave I remain,
Gnashing my teeth in obsequious throes,
And incited with jealousy over those with more.

For that reason I condemn you,
Flame your name with aspersions and disrepute,
And feign myself the wiser for eschewing your imprudence;
Yet when all is said and done, you remain as the Earth:
Trapped in gravity, obeisant to your sun,
But a sun you have,
And fearsome Mars and beautiful Venus your fellowship,
And at day’s end I find myself alone,
For my success in letting go of that which I believed was already lost.