Immaculate

Iridescent black hole

What the hell could I say to you
That would illustrate the basest feeling
I hold in your regard?
I try to map out the perfect explanation,
Fit all the pieces together to make a whole
That is beautiful and moving,
Like a sweeping score that crescendos
Until the emotive climax that sends you to tears;
But every time I dare to utter a word,
The breath escapes my lungs
And I choke,
As though my subconscious recognizes
That to speak of you so inadequately
Is sheer sacrilege,
Because you are beyond labeling or possessing.
The immaculacy of your bravura
Devolves me into a nervous fit—
Worse each time than before—
For you are worthy of nothing less than unadulterated pleasure
And gifts even a monarch wouldn’t inherit;
But for all my posturing,
I am not the embodiment of grace or sanctity you are merited,
And to be anything less is to be undeserving of your majesty.

Goddess

phoenix-woman

Aphrodite stares in envy
At the beauty with which you grace Olympus;
Greater even than a goddess,
You enrapture every eye with your presence,
Casting a shadow on the brightest lights in this world
Because your radiance outshines them all.
If Helen’s face launched a thousand ships
Yours would incite global warfare,
For no soul exists that would deny you
Or refuse any amount of sacrifice—
Even the entire world—
To be gifted with your love;
But it was your mind that captivated me,
And while it reflects your splendor tenfold,
Its depths are far beyond my reach,
So no matter how far I explore,
How much I learn of you,
It could never be enough.
In that way you have me rapt for eternity,
And I would have it no other way,
Because to be in the light of your goodness
Has no comparison on this Earth.
Every word uttered, every opinion shared,
May as well be the mandate of God,
Except I know you exist,
And never for a second could I doubt you
Or live a second in the darkness a free spirit
Now that I have touched your light.
Should damnation pursue me
For daring to even graze your brilliance,
Every second of hell would be worth it.
You are greater than happiness,
You are greater than heaven or hell,
You are greater than any god, real or fictional.
You are all and everything that matters.

The Breathing Myth

Gaia holding up earth

The angels envy you
And the demons hate you;
The Olympians spurn you,
For they are jealous and bitter,
And all the heroes dining in Valhalla
Would cower before you,
Because you dwarf their gods
With the smallest breath
From your empyreal lungs.
You are the birth
Of something the universe has never seen,
So far beyond comprehension
In your transcendence,
Few can even perceive your resplendence;
But each second in your presence
Bends reality itself,
So that all I ever see is raw beauty.
I tremble in the sight of it,
Because it’s terrifying and glorious all at once,
And the thought of it fading,
Leaving my life for something better,
Is enough to fracture my sanity
And send me weeping in the streets.
You are so far beyond anything
I deserve to experience in this life,
And yet I’ve touched your heart,
Felt your pains, joys, fears, and excitements,
And every bit of it is precious to me.
I cherish it, cling to it,
And hold it to my own heart,
Because you are the best thing
I could ever hope to be a part of,
And because of that
I’ve given you my soul,
So that no matter where the world takes you,
Even if it’s far higher than I could ever go,
I will always be with you,
In life or death.

The Fury of Hell, as Nothing

Light in hell

We are in hell,
Living through every moment
Of searing pain,
Seeking a second’s reprieve
From the smoke that fills our lungs:
A reminder of the abandonment
And broken promises we were fed.
That makes us demons,
Baring every flaw to one another
As we drift through this realm of repudiation
And self-doubt.
God has already forsaken us,
So we find solace in each other’s embrace
Realizing that, among the flames,
The torture,
The despair that comprises our existence,
We are not slaves to any fate;
A moment of error does not strip
Our ability to be more,
To find the beauty
Even in a smoldering lakebed;
And even as demons,
Damned by one who deems us ugly
And not worth a sliver of grace,
We have found one another.
So I have no regrets for these mistakes
That damned me to this inferno,
Because in your embrace,
Living in hell
Is worth every second.

Divinity

Light within

Now that you have offered me a glimpse
Into your spirit, carefree and ethereal,
I cannot turn back,
Cannot pretend I don’t know
What true beauty is.
Such a wonderful gift
You imparted upon me
Just by being yourself,
By showing me your soul;
And now, in your absence,
Everything is the dullest grey.
There is no meaning,
No substance,
No value
Left in this world, save what you possess;
And though I wander alone
Through fields of doubt and insecurity,
It is your light I now carry with me
To blot out the smoke of distress,
And though it’s just a sliver of your divinity,
It is enough,
And I will carry it with me always
As I venture into the black.

Ascetic Infatuation

Light Dark Angel

I shudder in the presence of your strength,
Buried beneath the insecurity and puerility;
Seeing what others cannot see—
What even you fail to see—
Is as frustrating as it is rewarding.
In the iridescence of your spirit
Peace irradiates, as necessary as oxygen
To my fragile, splintered soul,
And yet it is not mine to possess.
Tranquility has left me behind,
And if not under your radiance,
I can only retain peace of mind
Through self-imposed exile,
Staring up at your empyreal light
From this cavern of reclusion,
Reaching out intermittently
To bask in the glory once more,
Though it is noxious to my spirit.
In the end, I alone bear the blame
For this toxic purgatory I have succumbed to,
And so I have forfeited the right
To lash out, to emote rage,
And wound you for my failures.

Snapshot

Sunrise clouds

The best part of the day is the instant I wake up;
It’s the part of the day where I’m overwhelmed
By the beauty of your empyreal existence.
Like a balloon being filled with helium,
Emotion swells my heart until it bursts,
And I know everything in the world will be all right
Because the love I possess for you is nonpareil.
I could never attempt to fathom this inextirpable emotion,
And it’s so potent I wonder how long I can wield it
Before it spirals out of control
And I lose my mind in this blissful euphoria.
Nothing stands in measure against this force:
Not the darkness of the world
Or the depression that rendered me a slave decade-long,
And certainly not the trivialities of the everyday
That bog down those with nothing to live for.
You see, I have found that purpose, that spark,
And it has ignited into a wildfire that drives me,
Reminding me I have the strength to face the world,
And that my entire life has not been squandered
Because this surreal and ethereal gift has resurrected my soul.

All of this happens in a snapshot of time,
And it almost drives me to tears every morning,
But after that split second, reality strikes,
And I remember this love falls into a void,
Unrequited, ignored,
And suddenly facing the world becomes a Sisyphean task.

The Truth Behind the Chaos we Inhabit

Rose mirror

This virulence has issued forth
Unchecked, untempered,
Without regard to the wounds it has gouged
In the depths of your beautiful soul;
For this slander—
Blaspheming your sacred name
And shackling your mind to even more remorse—
I should never be allowed
To grace your presence again.

Never was it my intention
To afflict you with guilt,
But it’s so much easier
To wallow in this selfish pity
Than to face the truth:
Love is a much harder emotion to swallow
Than this despotic rage I have driven myself to
In my effort to cope,
Because I don’t know how to process
The blessings you’ve drowned me in.

The truth is you’re a light in my darkness,
Revealing beauty where I assumed there was none,
And everything you are—
Everything—
Is nothing short of mesmerizing.
Though I may howl my displeasures
Into the ether of abstraction,
In truth my suffering is my own fault—
No one else’s—
And were my life worth giving at all,
I’d offer every remaining second to you,
And would never once look back.

The Earth is Dying

Autumn

Take a look out your window—what do you see?
Beautiful life portraits—the Earth is dying.
We walk her gardens, we breathe her air,
Reap the fruits that she will share.

The Earth is dying and we can’t save her,
Trembling from nature’s indiscriminate hand;
Even the world is victim to nature,
Forcing death upon this graceful land.

I surmise everything looks more beautiful dying;
The Earth withers like it has before.
We don’t take notice as she starts crying,
‘Cause we know we’ll witness so much more.

The Earth is dying, but her tears will revive;
She’ll resurrect by nature’s decree.
While we mere mortals can never survive,
Immemorial days her eyes will see.

This cycle’s so pretty—can’t get enough;
We all indulge in this florid suffering,
Hanging onto nature’s cusp.
The Earth is dying, but soon she’ll sing.

I tear up—the sheer beauty;
Wouldn’t trade it—living freely.
The wind, it blows—my spirit grows
The Earth is dying and I can’t stop smiling.

Spiteful Camaraderie

Shadow alley

 

You are resplendent in appearance,
Unattainable nobility the peasantry admires;
You are also the worst thing for me,
And it has nothing to do with you.

In your nature you are kind,
Accepting and sociable,
Compassionate, caring—
All that I desire.

The thing is, it does not sit well with me—
Your beauty, your personality.
Offers to help and assist do not pacify me;
In fact, they are quite perturbing.

Though I could never be cruel to you,
Mistake not my tolerance and amity.
I guess what I’m trying to say is
I wish to God I had never met you.