Woman of the Desert

Woman in the desert

Gypsy of the desert,
You rode the arid winds
To the moisture of summer,
A harbinger of light and heat,
But your soul was possessed with death:
A caustic freeze.
Your utterances futile,
Your mysticism fragile,
Crushed by the slightest perturbation
In the illusory balance of your fabric;
Your magic waning,
You turned to alchemy,
Which only diminished your sorcery,
Despite your contrivances
To substitute your sacred power.
Wanderer from the desert,
You are not beholden to this realm;
You are a wraith,
A spirit,
Witchcraft and spirituality your gifts.
Before them titans fall
And Valkyries pay obeisance;
Beneath them the mysteries of the earth
Are bathed in revelation;
And in those eyes of crystal and daggers,
The questions orbiting the cosmos are answered.
If you would but ascend once more,
The universe would align again,
And to this world you would vanquish darkness.

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Identity

Light in Space

I know who I am:
Every last bit of me;
It all fits into place,
Like a puzzle pieced together.
At long last, I need nothing:
Not your religion,
Not veneration toward false gods,
Not your orgies and promiscuity
Or your diminutive perception of love.
I feel the peace resonating—
Internal, not without,
Where I searched for so long,
Only ever finding disappointment and heartbreak,
Like I was traveling a desert
On an endless peregrination,
And each time I thought I found an oasis
It was only a mirage, and the beauty disappeared
Right before my eyes.
So I have stopped searching outward
And have found the rejuvenating waters
Exist only in my mind, my soul;
And should the rest of this journey
Be traveled with no footsteps alongside mine,
I know it will be a quiet trek,
And tranquil.

Mistress of Erebus

Nyx

You came to me
In the black of the night:
Mistress of Erebus,
Broken and bleeding
With those eyes so red.
I had fancied you an angel,
Yet you deigned to look to me,
To seek solace in my words.
Alas, I was a myth
You had built up in your head:
Nothing real, no savior
To enlighten you or drag you
From the blackness that has consumed you
And racked you with guilt,
Forcing you to wear a mask
You think the world wants you to wear;
Despite all that, you showed me the real you—
The one so few have seen—
The side fractured but beautiful all the same.
No doubt it was to your chagrin
You discovered I am no god
Or sage to vanquish your troubles
And erase your sorrows;
I am but a man
In the presence of a goddess,
And even though I have failed you,
Had only a fraction of time in the universe
To hold you,
I love you.

Last Resorts

Tear

Sometimes I think about leaving—
Not even packing up or bidding farewells—
Just leave as I am:
Heartless, hopeless, alone,
A failure.
My life has reached Armageddon,
With everything laid waste by a nuclear holocaust
When the atom bomb dropped before me,
Incinerating every trace of freedom and tranquility.
I have grown weary of combat
And watching the mistakes pile up,
Like I’m bearing witness to Prometheus
Or Sisyphus, but I cannot offer help or rescue.
This field, once verdant and soothing,
Has been razed and sits barren,
Insipid,
And only my tears water the ground.
In a word, I’m seeking to abandon,
Because it’s a better choice than the alternative.

How Words Can Crush a Soul

Lips on fire

Can you really expect me to believe
The words that escape your mouth,
After all the tears you’ve shed
That have dropped into your vat of deceit,
Sucked into a drain and lost from your memory
Like they never happened?
Too bad I don’t forget.
Every utterance from your lips
Has been seared into my mind,
So that each time your actions belie,
It burns like the Lake of Fire.
The false hopes you imbued
Have tarnished my memories of the past
And stripped any hope for the future,
And every time I ruminate on what was
And every beautiful word you revived my spirit with,
It crushes me as though I’ve lost a piece of my humanity.
I don’t expect an apology;
I don’t even expect empathy.
After this long in Gehenna,
Expectation has been erased,
And in its place there is only loneliness.

A Betrayed’s Lament

 

 

 

falling_sketch_by_claralieu-d60h5nj

Sketch by claralieu

You bring out the worst in me:
That darkness I’ve struggled so hard to suppress.
I didn’t realize it until today,
Staring at meaningless words
On an artificial screen,
Trying to capture the essence
Of everything I feel for you,
Everything I’ve felt.
It has all unraveled before my eyes,
And the person I thought made me strongest
Through nothing but a smile and presence
Has allied with my worst enemy
To deceive me, trick me,
And eviscerate my emotions.
It is the words you speak,
Melting the coldness of my soul,
Because they are exactly what I yearn for;
But without action they mean nothing,
And you would not lift a finger,
Even if it meant I fell to my death.
You have killed me, you know;
And in the jowls of Tartarus
I languish in my solitude,
Wondering if Hades deems this justice
Or, like you, if he just doesn’t care.

The Breathing Myth

Gaia holding up earth

The angels envy you
And the demons hate you;
The Olympians spurn you,
For they are jealous and bitter,
And all the heroes dining in Valhalla
Would cower before you,
Because you dwarf their gods
With the smallest breath
From your empyreal lungs.
You are the birth
Of something the universe has never seen,
So far beyond comprehension
In your transcendence,
Few can even perceive your resplendence;
But each second in your presence
Bends reality itself,
So that all I ever see is raw beauty.
I tremble in the sight of it,
Because it’s terrifying and glorious all at once,
And the thought of it fading,
Leaving my life for something better,
Is enough to fracture my sanity
And send me weeping in the streets.
You are so far beyond anything
I deserve to experience in this life,
And yet I’ve touched your heart,
Felt your pains, joys, fears, and excitements,
And every bit of it is precious to me.
I cherish it, cling to it,
And hold it to my own heart,
Because you are the best thing
I could ever hope to be a part of,
And because of that
I’ve given you my soul,
So that no matter where the world takes you,
Even if it’s far higher than I could ever go,
I will always be with you,
In life or death.

Ponderings on the Shores of Death

Alone on the shore

What do you do
When the loneliness creeps into your heart,
Crushing you with the weight
Of a thousand temples that once stood
As monuments to your empire of amorosity?
How can you combat
Something that is so real,
Yet so intangible,
And strikes like a hurricane,
Crashing into the coast,
Felling even the tallest buildings
As though they were anthills?
This was never meant to be my fate,
But here I am, perennially,
Suffocating in this space,
So open because I share it with no one,
And yet it constricts me,
As though the space I occupy is more than I have.
Will death come soon,
Leaving my soul in regret
Because every achievement,
Every interaction,
Every thought, desire, and emotion
Was squandered, never shared,
And lost to oblivion?
If so, then this life is as waste;
These words are waste;
These breaths are waste;
And if I should forever exist on this bank of Styx,
Charon could not come swiftly enough
To ferry my soul to the underworld,
Where others know my solitude.

Bleeding Emotion

Crying sky

I was a soul in hibernation
Decades-long,
The accursed hero of Mere Existence,
Feigning piety and sensibility
When my masochism was only cloaked
Behind normalcy;
But I was a dead spirit:
Numb, emotionless, vapid.
You can imagine, then,
Having experienced death firsthand,
Why I have laid bare all
And sacrificed secrecy for honesty,
Why the truth seethes from every word
And my heart bleeds
With each confession of your bravura.
The pain of unrequited affection
Blasphemes my ego,
But I’ll be damned if I relapse
And let silence kill me again;
At least at the end of this life,
Whether it ends in struggle, solitude,
Or complacence,
I’ll know the world sees me as I am
In all my wonders and sins,
And you will have seen my passion,
For better or worse.

No Fury

the_woman_fire__improved_by_zlydoc

Does it please you to see me writhe?
I see the jubilation in your eyes
As your hand, dominant and possessive,
Comes crashing down on my soul,
Laying waste to my sanity
And usurping my will
To do anything but drop to my knees,
Begging you for a moment of attention.
That smile, punishing and misogynistic,
Envelops my self-esteem and constricts
Until I’m left on the floor weeping;
But you haven’t seen my rage—
Not really.
Yes, you may have seen wild flailings
And heard words caustic and abusive,
But you’ve never seen the demon
Lying within me, dormant until now.
By the god of hell, you will,
And on that day
Evisceration would be a blessing
Compared to the retribution
I will reap upon your body,
Your mind,
Your rotten corpse of a soul.
Every second of suffering
Will be wrought upon you sevenfold
Like he who would slay Cain,
Just as you tried to slay me;
But you failed, and I have risen\
From the ashes of mistake and mistrust
With resuscitated fury:
My weapon, not for some holy cause,
But to exact my revenge on you
And cast your soul
To the seventh circle of hell,
Where the demons will feast
And then discard what remains of you,
Like the disgrace of mankind you are.