I always hoped I would be something more:
Something deserving of the blessing
That bulldozed into my life,
Filling color in where once there was grey.
I had striven to be a better man:
Strong, never succumbing to the detrimental forces
That feast upon my weaknesses
And wreak havoc on every good thing in my life.
It was my puerility and cowardice
That drove me to wailing like a banshee,
Crying out, tossing my burden to others
In hopes someone would carry it for me.
The cost that I pay for these sins
Is decimating, but the blame is my own,
And I will not look back—
Will not give in to the paranoia
My demons instill in my mind.
Forward is the only way,
To prove there is strength
Among this pitiful mess,
And maybe, when my penance is served,
I will find myself back in your grace.