Killing What’s Inside

Dead Inside

Numb and thoughtless,
Ruminating on nothing,
Wasting away seconds;
I should be progressing,
But every route is a circle,
So I choose to stop.
Soaking up the inertia—
Sitting, staring, dead inside:
It’s the only way I can function.
Turning off reason,
Shutting out emotion,
Replacing each with substance
To block out reality,
If even for a moment.
The stupor will fade, I know,
But just for one more day,
And I can weather the storm
If it means I can stop living again,
If I can deaden everything inside
So that I do not have to face life,
Make decisions,
Or move forward.
Perhaps this is all to my detriment
But for sanity’s sake,
Or so I will say,
I have no other choice.

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