Your Hedonistic Prevarication


You prevaricate again—
Whether to spare my feelings
Or save yourself from an awkward instance
I can never be certain,
But it afflicts me all the same.

So absolute in your reason
That I am like so many others:
Easy to offend when you’re disinclined
To acquiesce to my every whim,
When I only ever sought to make you smile.

Alas, these tears are too heavy,
Too great a burden to carry
To continue in my appeasement,
Hoping you’ll grace me with your presence
If I sacrifice my dignity at your altar of negligence.

I am no fool; in truth I know
I will come running at the sight of you,
Will be by your side if you whimper.
There is nothing I could hope to do
To prevent this inalterable truth.

So you see this predicament?
I’m stuck in an endless cycle,
Like Prometheus or Sisyphus;
So don’t you dare ask me, “What’s wrong?”
For I will point you to a mirror.


Child vs. Titan

I am a child before you,
Reduced to infantile emoting
Beneath your scrupulous eyes,
Withering and emasculated.

This is not flattery,
Not a compliment toward you;
Rather, vituperation of mine own character
And the juvenility of my psyche.

I sidle along the precipice
Of your coveted social radar,
Hoping for a moment’s glance
Or a whisper of a compliment.

So fragile am I
That either courtesy lifts my spirits,
Safeguarding my emotions
From the despondency that lurks in my mind.

But to be deprived of your kindness,
Which I have not earned,
Crushes with the mass of a black hole
Any mote of elation in my heart.

Within me you inspire
Bloated, sophomoric fantasies
To rescue and console you,
When it is I who need both.

You are a giantess,
A titan I cannot parallel;
And in the looming shadow you cast
My miniscule form is but a speck.



I don’t want your life;
I don’t desire your responsibilities,
Your affiliations,
Your education.
I care not for your loved ones;
They are a triviality.
I yearn not for your principles,
Could not care less by what name you call God;
I am not concerned whether you meditate or pray,
Or if your musings are of the basest sentiment,
At the most superficial level.
I only want you, the way you are,
Regardless of all else.