Just a Text Message Away

Like some (but not most) people, there is a certain bit of technology I abhor. I mean, really abhor. This bit of 20th century advancement forces you to engage in colloquy with extremely painful—and superfluous—preamble. It is prosaic, mind-numbing, and, to be frank, time-draining.

Yes, I’m talking about the telephone.

Some love it, some hate it. I plummet far off the cliff of the latter side. Even in my youth, I couldn’t bring my hand to press the receiver against my ear to listen to the monotonous droning of whoever was on the other end. It was like torture, except I wasn’t even allowed to cry out in agony lest I be subject to chastisement and labeled a basket case. (I was at least able to eschew the former.)

Then, lo and behold: the text message! Like many in SMS’s early days, I was initially averse toward the technology. I found it obnoxious and impersonal.

And then I used it. At once I was introduced to the convenience of quick, short snippets of conversation, so tactfully carving away the excess, horrid fat of the exchange to reach the luscious, juicy, delectable center. It was brilliant! Never again would I be forced to endure a platitudinous dialogue consisting of the most irrelevant bits of information until reaching the heart of what needed to be said. Like a prayer answered, the art of conversation changed before my very eyes.

You see, I never had an appreciation for the “proper” way to do things. I am one of those annoying buggers that has an incessant proclivity to question why. Why should I wait behind a red light at 2 a.m. on the most inactive street in the city? Why should I care about the opinions of people I see in passing down the street and will never meet again? Why should I go through the motions in a phone conversation that nobody wants to go through before I ask for the favor I want?

Now, I understand the need to go through motions in a business setting (though I’ll confess my desire to see some change there, too). But seriously, if I have a question I know my uncle would have the answer to (hypothetical situation here), why do I need to ask him how he’s been, what his kids are up to, and what kind of car he’s driving now? He knows I’m not that curious, and let’s be honest, he hasn’t called me in the last seven years to see how my life’s going!

With the text message, you just throw out the question and wait for the answer. No wasting time, just what you need. (Yes, that should be a slogan.)

This also happens to come in handy in social situations. Remember when you had to play phone tag when you were trying to make plans with your friends? No longer. With text messaging, you pull up your friend’s number, shoot them a quick one-liner (“Wanna do something?” I find to be perfectly acceptable), and await the response. And you know there’s no chance you’ll miss it, and you won’t have to inconvenience yourself by waiting for a phone call.

Now, who wouldn’t prefer text to phone calls? Quicker, less painful. This guy’s only regret is that such technology hadn’t been realized sooner. His greatest hope is to hear the “I’ll call you” adage permanently replaced with the much more saccharine, blissful words: “I’ll text you.”

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1 Comment

  1. This sounds like a commercial.

    I’m buying.

    Reply

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